Thinking about it, I found that the reason for not-talking-to-her is because I am afraid it might be the last time. Once said, things such as these, would draw a line : One that has been crossed and that which cannot be undone. It is there to see. If its a NO, then there won't be another chance, even to speak a bit normally, as it is now. These few precious moments that are now being lived is like the last time you are seeing the paradise, before you board the train back. I can't believe to have come to this.
It makes another fact glaringly conspicuous : that I have little hope. That I am afraid to do it, itself speaks for this. I don't know why the morale is sulking down. That makes me have no desire to do anything. Not even to talk to anyone. Its like being a loner. Probably that is the reason for my impassionate living. When the desire and the will to act are lost, one would only sit and wait...
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